He can't look away even if he wants to, mouth slightly parted as he pants, eyes hazy. The tight hold on his hair makes him shiver--and it's not the revulsion he would've thought he'd have at being physically manipulated like this. Maybe because it's Xichen and Guangyao can't feel like he's being belittled or being made to play the whore just because of his parentage.

It's true that thinking gets him in trouble, but the control he feels slipping through his fingers makes him feel panicked. "I- I do!" He rocks his hips forward into Xichen's hand, his face burning red at the thought of just giving in to these base desires. But feeling the heat of Xichen's hand through the fabric isn't enough. "Please. I'm..."

He's scared, he realizes, and it's almost infuriating. He clings to Xichen's robes and shakes his head, trying to clear it. "If I don't get this, I'll absolutely die. I need you. But it's--A lot. My head is swimming." He doesn't feel articulate anymore, the words fumbling through his kiss-swollen lips even as he continues to rock into Xichen's hand.